8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
