OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
