But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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