I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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