zippers are such a cool invention
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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