You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Too much gin, very little bucket
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
