This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
