My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
