Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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