This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
