haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They took my balls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
