My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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