now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
