Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
