I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
