also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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