I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
