I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
