You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
