Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize