someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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