Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
