It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have post one night stand depression
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
