still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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