He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
