You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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