my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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