OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
