i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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