plz talk dirty to me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize