apparently the secret to your success is patron
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
