You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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