Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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