Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
