There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize