me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
