The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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