I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
