you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
