This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
