best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
