so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
