My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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