Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
