I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
