Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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