Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
