I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
