That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
