doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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