Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wanna go halves on a baby?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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