That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
