Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
