I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
