Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize