I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
These tits shall not be calmed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
