Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
