fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
