I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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