and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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