So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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