booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
