i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sex in a hospital.. check
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
