Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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