Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
