The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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