Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
