sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
