so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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